Still Life with Spurious Picturesque

ecstasis:

The thought insists upon itself. The dead
body of it, what you have put together:

The hillside won’t make sense.
You run through the trees, but the trees
lead nowhere.

Didn’t the sky come down on you like.
Didn’t you think you saw.

The irrational forest,
your stupid mouth,
a breath stillborn.

Define: Lake.
Ink stain. The cold, cold water.
The heart’s slow beat.

There is no imagining anymore. You awake
and everything is flatter. You go outside
and there is nothing to see.

Camille Rankine

see the problem with me is that the idea of bringing a friend on a trip or to a family thing is totally unthinkable

i can just barely imagine asking S to do that, but like. you don’t do that shit to your friends! you don’t just make them come with you to something where they are trapped and/or your family is there. i can barely ask people to come to concerts with me and in the worst case that’s over in four hours and they can just choose to never talk to me again

this is an issue because i would absolutely love to travel with friends at some point, comma, but.

ornithoscelidaphiliac:

limiting thoughts are thoughts that bully us into not reaching our full potential and cause us to make decisions out of fear. they will be different for each individual and are caused by and reinforced by trauma. addressing these fears feels very vulnerable but it becomes easier to identify where our emotions are coming from once we start recognizing which thoughts are holding us hostage.