more gender

part of that is that i have an intense discomfort w/ the idea of doing a str8 attraction/romance/interaction of any kind tbh. i know that that’s, idk, a societal messaging thing at least partially, Not All Straight Relationships, whatever, but the idea of a man relating to me as a woman (like at all kind of but esp esp esp in a ~relationship sense) is …. horrifying. and i can’t quite tell if the idea of me relating to a woman as a man is more awful for str8 reasons than it is just laughable, like the idea that i could arrive at Male at all but especially as a “girl’s” “boyfriend” is …. ok yeah no that’s also horrible, typing that out has made it clear, girls shouldn’t have boyfriends and i am no exception. so like. idk. i need whatever i’m doing to be gay, i guess. this feels dishonest: why do i get to decide that what i feel is gay because i want (“need”) it to be? if other people wouldn’t read me/what i’m doing as gay am i going to be outlawed for it? how is that belief consistent with my past comfort with being the feminine/“female” person in a pair i knew was at least sometimes being read as m/f but was definitely not actually? who will arrest me for gender crimes and accidentally wishing i could identify with the concept of a tw*nk

gender

what happens to me if sometimes i feel like Not Girl so strongly that the gay points in the other direction and i start identifying w male gay shit/wanting relationships with men. who will arrest me. which direction is it a crime in, am i betraying lesbian womanhood or appropriating gay men or both, i think it might be both

A gender is useful only up until the point when you are faced with your enemy. Then it is useless. The only truly useful thing in this cursed world is Carly Rae Jepsen’s acclaimed pop album E•MO•TION. You must suffuse your worthless body with its terrible heat. You must be so hot that even if your enemy should strike your head off, you shall continue to decapitate ten more men. Your boiling blood must spring forth from your neck and mutilate the survivors!

horrorjapan:

horrorjapan:

Been re-reading a ton of Junji Ito recently and it got me reassessing how haggard and tired I look most of the time. I’m not haggard, my aesthetic is just ‘stressed Junji Ito protagonist’.

notgerard:

[credit]

s-u-w-i:

kuchyň
another one for the background series
these two

commissions/store/buy me a coffee

itchycoil:

I’ll tell you this I’ve never felt more understood than when grimes said kill v maim is about al pacino in the godfather as a genderfluid vampire

adayinthelesbianlife:

I feel so in love. Snaps taken at the Brighton Museum’s Gluck: Art & Identity exhibition. Catch it before 11 March.

buzzing3starhotel:

in stone butch blues leslie feinberg talked abt the 3 items of women’s clothing rule where the police who raided lesbian bars wld check to see how much these women were still upholding femininity. i have never been thru that but i remember reading it + how much it resonated w me. this rule has not been expelled from our cultures mentality… i remember telling a straight woman i was considering getting a buzzcut + the 1st thing she said was ‘oh, they look great w big hoop earrings.’ there’s like a sort of balancing act where for every item of men’s clothing u’ve got to do penance thru makeup + accessories……. + its got everything to do w reassuring the person viewing you, who might feel challenged by ur shirt or jacket or jeans + so needs to be able to look down n take comfort from the pair of heels on ur feet. saddest manifestation is definitely when we internalize it– when the fear of being marked not-woman makes us wear sth we hate, just for some tie 2 femininity. the more masculine the clothing, the thicker the makeup

theplantqueer:

disgunting:

setheverman:

what’s the mood for february?

[ID: a dramatic goth draped gracefully on an overhead luggage rack on some form of public transport.]