Tag: empty box

[sad on main]

[it wants to be a numb dull thing; or an obelisk in a room; or an arrangement of many intersecting ropes that describe, in the space between them, an empty space shaped like a person; or, most usefully, precisely itself, but with the “conscious experience” module only active at specific times]

[or, you know, it would like to be exactly itself but with, let’s say, everything from 5π/4 to 7π/4 excised, for quality control. maximal usefulness, minimal minima, enough negative-values range to give some purchase for neighboring intelligences]

dead dove do not eat

it’s hard to figure out how to view myself as maybe bisexual WITHOUT wanting to kill myself

i feel like i’m betraying everything and no one will want to talk to me anymore. and also that i’ll stop being a person. and also that if i was Nonbinary But Also Still A Lesbian In The Approveable Flattened Version Of Leslie Feinberg Manner that was still acceptable and interesting and ascribed to me some territory and value, but if not then i’m not anything anymore, i might as well give up and be a straight girl and then you know kill myself, which is the inevitable consequence of me being a straight girl.

eta: also, of course, men are terrifying and i only like three of them, and i’m not totally clear on why i’ve elected to do this to myself, it’s not like it’ll make anything easier and now i’ll just be boring and no one will like me

do you ever spend several hours sort of fondly longing to die so your organs can be recycled to others, only to realize that the emotion you’re having is actually “wanting to have sex with someone who isn’t interested in you”