💁‍♀️🎁🐬

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

after extensive testing we can confirm that the answer is, definitively, no.

first i’ll apologize; then i’ll talk over the incident with others to see if i can figure out what i did to deserve it; then i’ll address the person about it, exactly once, and probably apologize again; then i will worry about it forever, because it might happen again, and i still won’t know what i’m doing wrong. in the fullness of time, i might decide to talk to them less, in hopes that one of us might be eventually injured less with decreased exposure, although which one is anyone’s guess.

alternately, if they’re at all nice about it or willing to acknowledge that i’m an entity who might just possibly have a subjective experience just like a real person, i will lose the ability to be upset about it almost instantly.

you may notice that neither of these options involves me being rude, although both involve an almost perpetual willingness to have bad things happen to me, which is a winning strategy that has never caused me any problems.

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

social interaction with basically anyone who i like and can carry on a conversation as long as they’re nice to me in it. ocean’s eleven. live music. hot showers, unless i pass out, which almost never happens. mbmbam, which should be embarrassing, but you try living in your brain all the time and tell me how that goes.

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

honestly, a cat. people like to hold and pet cats. also no one could get mad at me for not replying to texts, because cats don’t have thumbs. no one could try to make me do things, either, because you can’t make cats do things. it is a losing proposition.

🌺 🍪 😊

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

i’m not a particularly strong language learner– english, obviously, and i had pretty decent french for a few years although that’s lapsed a lot since i stopped using it in college. if i were going to spend a bunch of time on language anytime soon i think it would be mostly focused on getting french back. spanish or hebrew or yiddish would be useful for me to know/potentially interesting; i sometimes come across things in german or russian that i wish i could read, but probably not enough to even consider actually studying them. there’s also a lot of chinese literature that’s interesting to me, but i can’t imagine having a future that involves enough free time that i’m able to learn enough chinese to read anything in it, tbh.

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

i think my progression of dream jobs was gymnast > ballet dancer > artist > particle physicist > biologist > writer/science writer > biologist again, where everything before the first “biologist” happened between ages 3 and 6. i still want to be a biologist/do research, enough that i am, hideously, planning to apply to phd programs, but i think my eventual goal is to arrive at mostly doing science writing or communication or teaching rather than bench work.

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

i write a lot, mostly poetry plus my four prose projects that will never ever get finished. i also make collages/papercraft/paint and draw slightly, although poorly and with functionally no training. i’m currently making an elaborate thank you card, which i’m enjoying mostly because it involves a lot of cutting out petals and it will be forgivable if the end product is not terribly high-concept or exciting. when i can, which is rarely, i like hiking and paddleboarding. mostly i read a lot, but not, you know, novels or anything. mostly i read articles about math concepts i don’t and won’t understand, or 500-page forum threads about the transformers films, or the wikipedia entry “list of soups”.

💚🐝🎀? (i had trouble deciding what was too/intrusive/shitty to ask about, so like, don’t answer any you don’t feel like answering!)

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

uh ok right now i am very envious of one specific friend because he is at [highly positive location] with [highly positive people] and i no longer am, and this is no fault of his or mine or anyone’s but still: rude.

i don’t know if i’m like, jealous of anybody, in the sense of feeling threatened by the possibility of having something of mine or a relationship taken away by someone else? i don’t have anything and anyone who can take anything from me deserves it more.

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

probably my most inconvenient trait is being avoidant about things that make me anxious, which just leads to really annoying issues because i’ve ignored a work thing or some paperwork or whatever and now its urgent and unpleasant instead of just unpleasant. i almost never blow deadlines, at least, which is why im not working harder on it, but it is very blatantly why i’m just not that good at my job, because once i actually show up to it i’m like, perfectly adequate, but i don’t… always show up. or metaphorically show up to the matlab scripts on my laptop, or whatever. i am mostly planning to improve that by overcoming my shame about it enough to talk about it so i am held more externally accountable, resulting in more deadlines and accordingly more productivity.

uhhhhh “worst” feels deeper than that though. the trait i hate the most about myself is something along the lines of “possessed of misdirected desire”, but that’s really just any desire that is not explicitly allowed and reciprocated/endorsed and even some of them that are, and at that point i think me hating that about myself is itself the pathology, not like, my experience of the human emotion of wanting. i plan to overcome that by……. dying someday? i also sometimes feel like my worst trait is the inverse of that, in that i am not totally willing to be completely physically, emotionally, and mentally available to everyone who might want me to be on the basis of their affection for me. that is probably not also an actually bad trait, although again, thinking it is…. might be.

uh. actually my worst trait is my sweeping judgmental dismissals of things, made almost entirely for entertainment value or aesthetic effect, which then lead people who like them to actually feel bad or judged. that’s just shitty! no one benefits, it just sucks, i at the least want to work harder at making obvious the unseriousness/potential malleability of a vast majority of my opinions so that people will be more able to discount me if they like.

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

uh, in flux due to gender, primarily. mostly i like looking sleek and put-together, androgynous, elegant, and mean. although i’ve also been aiming frequently for a sort of cozy casual butch thing recently. i like boots, jeans, leather jackets, black, dark grey, red, graphic tees with at most two colors and ideally an abstract joke about either furniture design or death, and wearing a plaid men’s shirt over another shirt while looking very subtly rumpled. the other thing i like is sheer, gauzy tops/robes with ridiculous floral patterns that i can wear over a thing that is ambiguously either a sports bra or a binder. you know, very #nondenominational gay.

i still kind of don’t understand why my response to any kind of limited supply of food is to ration it out to myself, but i have just spent the last twenty minutes repeatedly having the revelation that if i eat all of the pizza that’s in the fridge tonight, that doesn’t actually mean that i won’t, like, eat tomorrow

where are our exacto knives!! i know we have them! why has my family’s supply of craft implements closed its doors to the public

i’m having an emotion and i hate it. feelings are cancelled; also physical distance and, like, memory. human physicality? the point of this post is actually not even that im sad im just like ……………………….. idk i have regrets

the-wolfbats:

moonlandingwasfaked:

is this a threat

I seriously aim to have this on a shirt one day.

lmaonade:

just a heads up if i ever act dumb i’m joking. i’m 100% smart and know literally everything