Tag: box opener

Blue Rotunda

fleshactivities:

I am tired of having hands
she said
I want wings —

But what will you do without your hands
to be human?

I am tired of human
she said
I want to live on the sun —

     •

Pointing to herself:

Not here.
There is not enough
warmth in this place.
Blue sky, blue ice

the blue rotunda
lifted over
the flat street —

and then, after a silence:

    •

I want
my heart back
I want to feel everything again —

That’s what
the sun meant: it meant
scorched —

    •

It is not finally
interesting to remember.
The damage

is not interesting.
No one who knew me then
is still alive.

My mother
was a beautiful woman —
they all said so.

    •

I have to imagine
everything
she said

I have to act
as though there is actually
a map to that place:

when you were a child —

    •

And then:

I’m here
because it wasn’t true; I

distorted it —

    •

I want she said
a theory that explains
everything

in the mother’s eye
the invisible
splinter of foil

the blue ice
locked in the iris —

Then:

I want it
to be my fault
she said
so I can fix it —

    •

Blue sky, blue ice,
street like a frozen river

you’re talking
about my life
she said

except
she said
you have to fix it

in the right order
not touching the father
until you solve the mother

    •

a black space
showing
where the word ends

like a crossword saying
you should take a breath now

the black space meaning
when you were a child —

    •

And then:

the ice
was there for your own protection

to teach you
not to feel —

the truth
she said

I thought it would be like
a target, you would see

the center —

    •

Cold light filling the room.

I know where we are
she said
that’s the window
when I was a child

That’s my first home, she said
that square box —
go ahead and laugh.

Like the inside of my head:
you can see out
but you can’t go out —

    •

Just think
the sun was there, in that bare place

the winter sun
not close enough to reach
the children’s hearts

the light saying
you can see out
but you can’t go out

Here, it says,
here is where everything belongs

Louise Glück

….. i just really love explaining biology huh

i mean. i knew this, which is why i, volunteer for a cancer research education program, and also work as a TA, and am also strongly considering getting a teaching job after grad school, but like: christ

i currently have a very strong feeling that it is preferable to stay somewhat uncertain (of whether one is completely welcome, of which liberties may be taken, of whether one is doing something right, of what other people want) and thus be made to ask and be considerate, precisely because it is continuously necessary to consider; that is, to refuse scripts, to refuse the feeling that one knows what comes next because it is Understood what comes next, but also (within reason of course) to refuse to act on patterns from the past, to refuse to assume that because something was once welcome it will continue to be welcome even if the situation appears identical and there are certain signals one could see one’s way to interpreting

it is very obvious to me that this is me at least in part reacting to previous and recent experiences in my life that were at least partly bad due to assumptions of access and welcome, due to the entrenchment of scripts that allowed for a sort of collective sleight-of-hand evasion of who, exactly, wanted things to be happening as they were.

however, it’s not completely clear to me if this means that i’m having effectively a trauma reaction and that healthy people/relationships don’t aspire to exist in a state of constant morally virtuous anxiety-uncertainty; or if i’m correctly identifying the (a) way to actively permit consent and intentional involvement and happiness for people in various ways; or if it’s not strictly unhealthy to implement this now, but as time progresses it will become possible to see ways to exist in a pattern without sublimating one’s moment-to-moment interests to the service of the pattern

i have a forest green pleather jacket that i absolutely love (it was given to me by the lesbian resident head of my dorm in my freshman year bc she was purging all non-black items from her wardrobe) but it was already a little damaged when i got it & since then the shoulder, upper arm & elbow have all developed extremely shredded patches, where the upper, green layer of the material peels off and the flaky black inner layer of pvc is visible, and i’m not sure what the best way is to deal with this

can i just sew patches over the affected areas or will i just be making new holes to allow more tearing? should i glue it or something? i’ll probably put patches on regardless if that’s at all feasible, i just also want the areas of damage to not get any bigger

cursory googling has not helped much but pls feel free to just point me to very obvious links or something

sometimes i feel bad that i spend most of my time at work alternating between working and fucking around, but in the last two workdays two different coworkers have just blatantly taken naps on their desks and sometimes people just don’t show up until 12 but still leave at 5, so like

it’s fine i guess