that thing where i’m fb friends with people who were a few years younger than me in high school, & whenever one of them says gay shit/changes their pronouns on fb/whatever i’m thrilled & like their posts &c., but: i am not officially out as anything on facebook, and while i think they all know i’m gay bc i spent all of high school being a visible cuddly half of 1/3rd of the school’s openly gay couples, many i only rarely spoke to if ever, & so the question remains: do they think i’m a cishet distant acquaintance who’s just being super weird

Write a poem about the dream I had where you compared me to Vriska.

I stacked the cups before me on
the desk. Echoing notes
came off the layered terraces,
struck out of curves of stone

that arched themselves for miles. And through
one door, water had filled
itself into the room, which now
could not be opened up.

And out the other it had changed:
when I walked through, a stair
turned back on itself, catching at
my feet. Instead, a round

field grew, circled with seats and lights
and, in the center, two
opposing sets of standing poles.
That is: a cricket ground.

But we were stacking cups; at least,
I did. You stared at me
and frowned. And crossed your arms. And tried
to speak, the way one does

in dreams: more as intent than sound.
“Do you think if I tried
to live more in myself, and less
in waiting misery—”

So it went on; I gave advice
less lofty than my work.
Til all at once you stood, and said,
in hot, reproachful tones:

“Before I read Homestuck, I thought
Vriska must be so nice
and kind, and also helpful, and
a joy to everyone

who met her— all because you said
we’re exactly the same!”
The wickets creaked. Inside, the room
set places for the game.

the only swimsuit i own now is men’s swim trunks plus a sports bra and i am going to have to swim in front of my grandparents/parents and no ones gonna say shit to my face and if they do i can do the stupid fucking “i’m a FEMINIST, shaving hurts and i shouldn’t have to pay some kind of ‘letting people see the exact contours of my body’ toll in order to swim!!**!*!*~~*~” but wow i am in sad dysphoria hell just thinking about it