Tag: box opener

unopenablebox:

i’ve decided i’m making an unambitious soft lace cowl for project #1, worked flat, because i want low-commitment, lots of attention to my lace pattern of choice, and absolutely no shaping beyond what i find personally moving at the exact moment it becomes a question

this of course means it’s time for the difficult part where i stare at this knitting dictionary from 1973 and try to figure out which lace pattern i want. (the top image has actual contenders, the bottom is just for the glory of hyacinth stitch, which i will probably never use but love dearly)

advise me, actually. which of the stitches in the upper right photo do you like the most. i’m using a yarn/gauge that’s not great for lace so it’ll come out subtler than the picture probably, but i’m okay with that. i’m least in love with vandyke stitch III but otherwise i’m very torn. which one looks cool, or fun to make, in your opinion

i’ve decided i’m making an unambitious soft lace cowl for project #1, worked flat, because i want low-commitment, lots of attention to my lace pattern of choice, and absolutely no shaping beyond what i find personally moving at the exact moment it becomes a question

this of course means it’s time for the difficult part where i stare at this knitting dictionary from 1973 and try to figure out which lace pattern i want. (the top image has actual contenders, the bottom is just for the glory of hyacinth stitch, which i will probably never use but love dearly)

somehow what this gets at maybe most for me is that question about paths of least resistance, you know? like, the thing where part of why i’m not [pursuing x path as a career] is because i found it so difficult to make myself do [almost-100% required prerequisite activity], due to what felt subjectively like sheer mental reluctance about the concept of effort, that i just …. didn’t. so now i can’t do that. and i probably correctly took that as a sign that i shouldn’t try to pursue x, since part of why [activity] is a prereq is that it is at least a decent angle on what various aspects of x would actually be like.

nonetheless: when does one decide that something being hard to make oneself do is a reason not to do it? when does one decide that not experiencing dread & procrastination about a thing is a good reason to do it? when do you push past one or the other of those feelings?

this is a question both on the level “if a relationship needs effort to maintain should it be maintained” and “if i can’t make myself do a kind of art consistently or frequently or well, should i stop trying”. the version of me that tries harder to achieve its goals, but whose life is almost certainly the worse for it, at some point combined those problems by trying and failing to do collaborative art with someone.

fortunately, collaborative art is impossible, and i made the morally upright choice of ghosting all but one of my pre-2015 irl friends; but the matter remains–– of the future

tfw you’re meditating on the question of how to maintain certain treasured relationships in the oncoming face of graduation-mediated physical scattering & you have what seems to be the realization that the solution to all your troubles, the routine that creates the proximity love at times feeds off of, that will supplant that most efficient routine of physical proximity, is to start a podcast together.

then you realize that this isn’t even the art form you actually most wish to make with [cherished person(s)] [these particular ones but also any who you could stretch into an artistic shape for long enough, which is none of them] and also you literally don’t know anyone who is not driven to maddened literal tears by the prospect of listening to a recording of their voice

also your wish to meet the person whose creative vision aligns with yours so that you finally ever make something is really making you project here, vis-a-vis the degree to which this would actually solve anything other than your own need to have been an artist already

sometimes i think my endless (futile? abortive? spoiling the punchline there) drive to create art that operates through some medium other than text (visual, music, dance, graphic novel, whatever) is because of a deep and fundamental terror that my words (my self, necessarily) on their own are not interesting crafted artful enough to be good, so i have to build other less direct more evocative things in hopes that my audience, in projecting, accidentally decides i’m smart.

on the other hand i’m objectively way worse at all those other things than i am at writing, so

Still Life with Spurious Picturesque

fypoetry:

priorwaltering:

unopenablebox:

ecstasis:

The thought insists upon itself. The dead
body of it, what you have put together:

The hillside won’t make sense.
You run through the trees, but the trees
lead nowhere.

Didn’t the sky come down on you like.
Didn’t you think you saw.

The irrational forest,
your stupid mouth,
a breath stillborn.

Define: Lake.
Ink stain. The cold, cold water.
The heart’s slow beat.

There is no imagining anymore. You awake
and everything is flatter. You go outside
and there is nothing to see.

Camille Rankine

medical/gynecological procedures, abortion access cw

stupid discovery of the day is that i’m rendered deeply upset and anxious by the concept of receiving a transvaginal ultrasound. not because of invasiveness or physical discomfort: while i find e.g. a pelvic exam distressing during/after the fact due to pain, i’m not anticipatorily unhappy about the concept of having one otherwise. it’s because in my brain transvaginal ultrasounds are “the unnecessary invasive procedure people are nonconsensually mandated into in order to receive abortions”, even though in my case i’m getting one for a totally unrelated reason, voluntarily, and have never so much as maybe needed an abortion. but. you know. ambient social trauma!