…….i haven’t taken any painkillers

i genuinely am not having a conscious experience of being in significant pain but i also just noticed that i am, um, straight up whimpering out loud

so maybe i am in a lot of pain but it’s like…. a secret

hooray iud

Like most nouns, I love horses
from a theoretical distance. Up close, they terrify me.
My thoughts turn fleshy. My friend’s horse ripped
her hair from her scalp as a girl, thinking it hay.
Like a wheel crushing a foot, who could blame
the horse for having no depth of metaphor,
only an automatic sense of knowing what it wants.
My friend wore her bald spot all over her face.

Natalie Eilbert, “With Her,” published in Muzzle (via agooduniverse)

@everyone who replied to my iud post: thank you all very much for being reassuring

the only swimsuit i own now is men’s swim trunks plus a sports bra and i am going to have to swim in front of my grandparents/parents and no ones gonna say shit to my face and if they do i can do the stupid fucking “i’m a FEMINIST, shaving hurts and i shouldn’t have to pay some kind of ‘letting people see the exact contours of my body’ toll in order to swim!!**!*!*~~*~” but wow i am in sad dysphoria hell just thinking about it

lurid body horror cw

heyyy uh. do any of you. have iuds. what has been your experience, with that

i persuaded myself it was my best option for what i want and then i read someone’s account of getting one that was like HAVING IT PUT IN FELT LIKE I WAS BEING EVISCERATED AND MY BODY INVERTED UPON MYSELF. TWO WEEKS LATER I AM STILL BLEEDING NONSTOP AND I CAN FEEL THE FOREIGN SHAPE WITHIN ME, PRODDING MY ORGANS, WHENEVER I SIT OR TURN. so. uh. now i’m kind of worried

at last, i wake up in only two kinds of persistent pain!

well i finally kind of solved a problem by realizing that if i sleep as though i’m on my side from the waist down, but as though i’m on my front (with a pillow wedged under one shoulder) from the waist up, then i don’t fuck up my neck by twisting it 90˚ all night from sleeping on my front, or fuck up my shoulder by crushing it forward & under me from sleeping on my side

the downsides of this are 1. that i might wind up hurting my lower back by keeping my hips and ribcage at different orientations many nights in a row, and 2. and more pressingly: that i am haunted, while falling asleep, by a persistent conviction that i look absolutely ridiculous