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there’s definitely an alternate-universe version of me whose favorite band is the new pornographers, and i think that version of me is ultimately the worse for it in many ways but also probably has a much less repressed reaction to the desire to just post “my rights versus yours” over and over

my roommates both helped me while i was recovering from surprise iud, incl. making/bringing me food so i didn’t have to stand up a lot, carrying laundry up & down stairs, and walking with me to a slightly far meeting i had to go to– nothing i couldn’t have done on my own even at my most unwell, but sometimes it’s just really nice to have people help you do stuff and to get to lie down and wait for the cramps to go away (which they mostly have by now)

and both of them were so kind & thoughtful & solicitous about it, & about checking in with me several times as i recover, and this was all a very minor procedure that i underwent on purpose but it’s still so nice to be taken care of, you know?

ok what do i wear to the mountain goats tonight. currently i am wearing the ghost print floral shirt and i can’t decide if i stay with it or not

considerations: a good shirt in the abstract for sure. exists in mysterious casualnoncasual simultaneity. might need a jacket or something bc a/c, would have to choose one? vague dad-adjacency vibes/noncausuality means committing to not being in cool gay tmg chicago audience demo but also allows for smug assertion that in fact in wearing it i understand tmg more as the project toward eventually becoming the dad at the end of the deathseeking teenager tunnel/signalling that i am, thru the magic of therapy, already committed to being alive/jd is a literal dad and even he isnt going to be wearing a button down/i’m gay i can do whatever i want/but i still won’t be interesting

(ETA i forgot the original reason i was even debating the shirt in the first place which is that i have to leave the bottom button unbuttoned or it pulls over my hips, bringing forward some interesting philosophical difficulties about the inextricable gendered quality of my fucking skeleton. but clearly i was distracted by more important matters)

anyway. you know. whatever you guys are thinking. for other options i have like…. t shirts. i could always go with my lc! football jersey but i worry i may have done so before given the ease at which the thought occurs to me, plus it’s a little on the nose to show up in fake sports huge letters DOOMED but then again on the nose is possibly also Part of Understanding the Project

sometimes i’m like “am i sure my old job was as terrible as i say it was?” but then other times i walk into the bathroom at work and realize that i think of it primarily as “a bathroom” and not “the place i go to hide every morning for the first 20 minutes after i get to work so i can spend as little time as possible in a public space where one of my supervisors might talk to me”