lmao texted my dad like “heyyy did u remember to buy mom the earrings i specifically picked out and sent you a link to a month ago [because you always pick out weird earrings for her bc u still don’t know her taste, and i happened to come across a really nice pair]” and he was like “um. i don’t recall. when did you send this? did i buy them right then? if not probably not. i really don’t remember.”

and like……………… she doesn’t, strictly speaking, care, except inasmuch as she 1. is constantly losing her earrings as she loses all objects and 2. wants to feel cared for, but like. dude. i did all the legwork for you here. a month ago i did this to give you time to order them and have them delivered. my friend. buddy. my moderately cherished pal. do this one thing, for your wife, who you have driven insane with your inability to access normal human emotions,