when i’m tired, specifically when i’m sleep deprived and it’s the middle of the day, i feel cold; and it’s real cold in that a sweater or being outside in the sun or getting a hug from a warm person helps, but it also feels weirdly distinct from “real” environmental cold. specifically it feels like the coldness is inside me, just under my skin– or rather, my body is wrapped around the coldness like a blocky, ill-fitting rubber sheath, covering it mostly but not entirely, so that i’m always slightly to the left of myself because i’m being displaced by cold

every day is cr/mps. or h**d*che but cr/mps is worse bc doing things that feel like they should help doesn’t help, whereas everyone knows h**d*che is an inviolable creation of G-d & impervious to human efforts at appeasement