normal-horoscopes:

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: A man stands over the grave of painter Toulouse Lautrec with a shovel, a lantern, and a very bad idea.

Taurus: There is deep deep power is the jar of small frogs you have collected.

Gemini: The stars say you will encounter a friendly face today! Good luck finding the rest of the friend though.

Cancer: Using nothing but force of will you will shrink slightly today.

Leo: Today you will be struck with a sudden intense desire to smash your head through the nearest door. Stay your neck. The feeling will pass.

Virgo: Excellent news virgo! It is your day to roll around in the mud!

Libra: Soft white and angry red. Confused emerald. Aroused teal. Awkward chartreuse. Gassy mauve.

Scorpio: It’s group time! Make as many groups as possible. Assemble all.

Ophiuchus: The answer will come in metal sandals. You can’t miss em, they’re really loud.

Sagittarius: The stars say that there is material wealth headed your way. Extremely fast. Take cover.

Capricorn: give em a pat, a nice pat, right on the fuckin head

Aquarius: You can figure it out. Don’t trust me. Don’t trust yourself. Let go and see what happens with a mad gaze.

Pisces: Happiness is distraction.