5, 29, 30

5. do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?

i think i identify myself mostly by the way i act/present myself? i don’t describe myself as an artist even though i sometimes make art, for instance. my self is about internal state/observations thereof plus how i present myself/act. this is in my mind somewhat materially distinct from being defined by my impact on others– which is not even slightly unimportant to me but i definitely think my essential self would still exist if i were in total isolation, even if many of the parts/effects of it that i care about would stop existing. i also don’t think i’m necessarily defined by the outcomes or results of my actions, which i think is what i would call being defined by “things i do”, even though i guess my actions-with-additional-intent are also self-evidently “things i do” and those do count as part of the me. 

i didn’t answer the question really. i guess even though i know what’s important on any material level is the doing, i do think i have a being in myself that i get to value just for the sake of valuing my own thoughts/qualia. anything else seems like it’s just totally subjugating the concept of me as my own person to the needs/will/totally uncontrollable perceptions of others. holding the latter view feels like it should be virtuous somehow but for me is in practice mostly self-immolating and inducing of total craziness.

29. three songs that you connect with right now.

“the last limit of bhakti”, the mountain goats
let me serve you until it’s all over./when the world is giving your secrets all away/let me give you cover

(i get some free tmg mentions right? anyway “song for an old friend”, “if you see light”, “thank you mario but our princess is in another castle”, great let’s move on) (also smog “to be of use” which i’m binning here bc for me same sentiment + i learned about it indirectly via jd)

“bike dream”, rostam
i’m sure that you’ll catch your breath/you’ll sleep into the day/to wake up with sunlight across your room

“i love you for psychological reasons”, they might be giants
lately i’ve taken to vacantly making repetitive movements mistakenly seen as improvements

30. pick one of your favorite quotes.

it’s going to be from a poem obviously, but:

“I don’t owe anybody for the bad thoughts I think
or will think.” (from I Will Make A Useful Manual For My Tasks and Hide It, laura eve engel)