9, 20, 41?

answered 9 but i’ll cheat and also brag about this beautiful scarf. when i bought it i thought it was going to be a gift for someone else, but as soon as it arrived i realized that 1. they wouldn’t really appreciate it even though i was correct that it would look good on them and 2. i wanted it intensely. so now it’s mine:

20. Did you develop a new obsession?

i went All In on tatterpigs, which i think is the most obvious one– started my first game ever in january of this year and now have played many, run one, and am in multiple different rpg groups of various commitment and frequency. this is on the whole a good thing, i think, even if for some reason i can’t quite figure out why i’m doing it. certainly i’ve met a lot of really great people as a result of this, and i do like playing, and i like playing WITH those people, so that’s probably enough, i just can’t shake the feeling that somehow i’m only pretending to be a(/the kind of) person who plays ttrpgs. ok no, i know why this is, it is because the specific context in which i developed my initial intense devotion to the hobby has since [personal circumstance change redacted during this period of evaluation and quality assurance] and ever since i’ve been on the comedown of just “having fun” as opposed to “being creative-collaborative manic and filled with an extremely stupid version of love”

41. Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did?

er, therapy, actually, which despite consisting of really just me narrating things i already know about myself to my therapist while she frowns and refuses to diagnose me with things, has correlated neatly enough with a significant drop in suicidal ideation that i am at least cautiously willing to connect the two, especially since i don’t think my overall life circumstances changed enough to justify the drop compared to, let’s say, last january.